Last night, in another attempt to talk, I tried to keep it together and told him that I was calm (he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to hurt me and that I can’t listen to him and that is way he just doesn’t talk to me). I just needed to know.
What I know now?…well, at least that she is not married. Why is that comforting ? Well, where I live, men are quite “passionate” when it comes to be cheated on…they can’t stand been cuckolded…”que les pongan cuernos” and it just too many stories about these so called passionate men who end up killing everybody in sight when it comes to cleaning their honor.
So this woman, this “just friend” of his, is not married. Why don’t you go live with her? I asked him, “because I don’t want to and she has a young daughter so she doesn’t want anybody in her house”. mmm
Little by little I found out how long they’ve been going out, her marital status and just how comfortable he feels with her. But no matter what, he won’t admit that he is in love with her. “I love her differently than I love you” he told me after I asked him why he texted her that he loved her. He said first that saying I love you doesn’t mean anything… WHAT? So it doesn’t mean anything when you have said it to me this past 22 and a half years!!! (which by the way I can’t remember when was the last time he said it). But he just resolved it by saying that he loves her differently. Ouch.
And after that, of course, since I started crying because after all I’m only human, he claimed that he can’t talked to me. I became a mess, but I didn’t want my kids to see me like that, so I went out for a walk. A long, long walk and believe me that it’s quite difficult since it’s hot as hell here. But I kept on…crying at first…trying to catch my breath later. God, if there is one good thing that I’m going to get out of this is that I’m going to get in shape.
When I came back, I talked to my children and told them I’m done fighting. I didn’t tell them details but explained to them that I couldn’t be with their Dad any longer and that there wasn’t going to be any more fighting. They didn’t say anything, just looked tired.
They looked like I felt. Tired, exhausted. I don’t remember crying so much in my life.
This morning, I sat down next to him and cried again, and between sobs I told him that he couldn’t stay with us anymore. He touch my arms and told me OK.