Thanks for the day off… is what my husband said to me last night before going to bed.
Yesterday was Sunday and typically I would arrange for a family outing, dinner, chores and what not but I was exhausted. I didn’t even want to change my pjs so I decided to stay in and watch Netflix and Hulu till I drop. I invited him to watch shows as a courtesy and he accepted. Not as my loving husband but as a friend. No expectations, no hope, no imagining that this is therapy that this time together will mean something, fix something. No, I just wanted to relax, he happened to be there and every time my mind started wondering and fantasising… I stopped it.
It was a cool relaxing day, like the ones we used to spend before the kids were born watching Blockbusters’ videos and eating popcorn without a care in the world. Yesterday reminded me of that, a little sad because back then I thought that we would be together forever. Yesterday I just relaxed and had fun.
And he thanked me for it… no talking, no fighting, no resentment, just two people enjoying themselves. I can’t have any expectations of him since he is completely sure that he doesn’t have a problem, a disease,…and finally I’m accepting that I cannot change anybody, I cannot convinced anybody of anything if they are so sure that they are in the right. And I let go, finally and even though sometimes by reflex I tried to take back the control… I just throw it back again.
You welcome, I said to him and went right to sleep.