Thanks for the day off

Thanks for the day off… is what my husband said to me last night before going to bed.

Yesterday was Sunday and typically I would arrange for a family outing, dinner, chores and what not but I was exhausted.  I didn’t even want to change my pjs so I decided to stay in and watch Netflix and Hulu till I drop.  I invited him to watch shows as a courtesy and he accepted.  Not as my loving husband but as a friend.  No expectations, no hope, no imagining that this is therapy that this time together will mean something, fix something.  No, I just wanted to relax, he happened to be there and every time my mind started wondering and fantasising… I stopped it.

It was a cool relaxing day, like the ones we used to spend before the kids were born watching Blockbusters’ videos and eating popcorn without a care in the world.  Yesterday reminded me of that, a little sad because back then I thought that we would be together forever.  Yesterday I just relaxed and had fun.

And he thanked me for it… no talking, no fighting, no resentment, just two people enjoying themselves.  I can’t have any expectations of him since he is completely sure that he doesn’t have a problem, a disease,…and finally I’m accepting that I cannot change anybody, I cannot convinced anybody of anything if they are so sure that they are in the right.  And I let go, finally and even though sometimes by reflex I tried to take back the control… I just throw it back again.

You welcome,  I said to him and went right to sleep.