How can I still want him back?

Or better yet, after all this, how can I wish this never happened?  It’s so difficult because he is still in my house.  I see him and I truly wish this never happened.  That he never fell in love with Maritza, that he didn’t lie to me, that he didn’t break my heart.

I miss him, my husband when he loved me, I miss his jokes, his tenderness, his passion.  It’s all gone now.  I miss being loved by him.

I’ve been working out a lot, finally after so many years I’m losing weight.  Ironic no?  Well at least I’m keeping healthy.  But while I was trying to relax I had a hard time trying to quite down my mind.  It was going 100 miles per hour, how can this be?  I want him to be in love with me not Maritza…I don’t want to hurt anymore.

I go home and I can feel him tense up as soon as I walk through the door.  He is avoiding me and if I try to speak to him, it’s like he is recoiling…like the snake he is.

I’m so nervous right now because in a few hours we will be in couples counselling.  What for?  This is over…why go then?  Because it’s my last hope that he might admit and explain why?


2 thoughts on “How can I still want him back?

    • Sylvergal says:

      We went to a therapist…we took a break from the fighting, and yesterday we went to the beach to talk. Last night I was asking myself the same question…would I take him back? I got nauseous.


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