I told him last night that I didn’t know him. I had no idea that he could be this cruel, lying, cheating person. After all these years together, I never thought that he would be such a hypocrite. I even have more evidence, but he keeps saying that it doesn’t mean a thing.
Saying I love you to someone doesn’t mean a thing? Texting her from our favorite restaurant that you wish she was there with you doesn’t mean a thing? Who is this man? How can he keep denying it?
I must accept the fact that I might never know…I might never understand. Nobody deserves to be treated with such disrespect…and yet this man who I’ve been loving for the past 22 1/2 years is doing just that.
I spoked with his precious Maritza. What a character. She claimed again and again that there is nothing between them. That they are best of friends and are always together, they are coworkers and always have lunch, coffee breaks, cigarette breaks and drinks breaks…and yet I never knew about her. Why is that? I asked her. After she kept trying to assure me that he loves me; I stopped her. I said: Lady, you claim that there is nothing between the two of you but friendship, yet, friends do not speak to each other in such a manner. Friends do not secretly text each other I love you, or send pictures of their manicures, or tell each other that they wish they were there with them…instead of their spouses. I can’t remember the last time he said I love you to me spontaneously or smile while we were out. I can’t remember receiving a loving text from him…I just get a grumpy distant man who doesn’t want to be with me but insist it’s all in my head. And last but no least, you claim that you only feel friendship towards him…maybe that’s so but…he is in love with you.
After I hang up, I felt completely humilliated. In the evening I told him all this. He just claims that he is too tired to think…too overwhelmed by work…too tired to think? That is the answer you give to someone who just poured her heart out to you?
My sister told me not to talk to him anymore. He doesn’t love me and I just have to accept that fact and move on. No more shopping for evidence and talk to him about it…because all I’m doing is getting hurt. Am I a masoquist? Why do I need the why, the how when I know he just doesn’t care?